While enjoying my favorite cheese in the world – crottin de Chavignol – on a three weeks break one hour away from Paris, I’m questioning this…

What’s really happening when Coaching meets the Collective & Individuals?

I recently hired a coach to give me some clarity on a few things. She calls herself « having a method, reading in astrology charts at a very advanced level, being here for those who want to reinvent the world and create a new way of doing things » and in the end, all that she did was use her tools to project onto me : 1/ false ideas 2/ all the usual toxic things everyone says

While I had paid to get some support, I got almost insulted so I said no thank you and asked for a refund.

The Writer’s Dream

Earlier this summer, I was attending Mindvalley University and while ordering tea, I naturally started to chat with this lovely woman from L.A. who was a coach for teen-agers.

You really go to Mindvalley University to find those people who will, right on the spot, talk with you about the deepest and most intriguing event that showed up in your life recently: synchronicities.

She started to talk to me about that beautiful young lady who was overweight and so unhappy that her mom bought her coaching with her to help her find herself, find her way…

After a few months, the coach met with the girl and the parents to talk about the results of the work they did together. The parents could see how happier she was, all the extra weight was gone, her vision was crystal clear, until she heard the dad say: « how are you gonna do all of this with me in the way? ». I got chills when I heard that. The coach repeated that sentence several times as she was still struggling to recover from it.

The father had a law company and was expecting her daughter to work there. He had no intention to help her fulfill her dreams, it was clear for him that he had her as a child so she could fulfill his vision.

« This is murder!!!!! » I (over)reacted. I suddenly felt so angry!!

I know oh too well what it’s like when you have a dream and your parents know exactly when to withdraw their support so you can’t go. At a certain age, without them, it’s pretty hard to make certain dreams come true.

How many parents really have kids for them to accomplish themselves?

From now on, can we write a note on condoms saying:

Children come Through you not from or for You

Positive Social Impact

Here, the father blew away all the work and investment the mother had made for her daughter so he destroyed two women’s sense of self worth in one go. And why would someone stay with a man who murder his daughter’s dreams, just like that…?

This normalized cruelty from parents to their adult children is sadly too common. And here the scam is not the coaching, which was more than effective and I could see that this woman was talented and gifted and she had that special loving vibration that you cannot fake.

Here, the coaching process is simply placed in an environment where the results will make the enemies raise all their weapons. That girl is unhappy because she is an element in a system that needs to keep her in that unhappy place.

It was reproached to her that she wasn’t autonomous enough to go on her own and that she was doing nothing in the house. Then the coach started to get things organized so, for example, she would start doing her own laundry. And guess what? The mother didn’t let her. So the girl was trapped, criticized for situations that were created in order to keep her passive.

Everything went sideways and all the benefits from the coaching program faded away, as they had no intention to help her go where she wanted. She ended up signing up for law school, like daddy wanted and she even called the coach to tell her it was her decision which is the ultimate form of manipulation: when victims end up believing they chose their own misery.

I told the coach: « here, you were facing a problem that was much bigger than a teen not knowing what they want out of their lives, you were facing narcissism and a toxic family dynamic where the children are often the unique source of light the couple may have so they trap them into staying close to them, even if it’s not in the child’s best interest ».

Please don’t cry, there is still Hope

The hope here is that the girl will keep the memories of the temporary awareness she got and she will always be able to get back to it later on in life. It will just be more complicated and it puts her dream at a high risk of being killed by life circumstances.

The dad makes her apply for being on a healing journey at 40 after several professional and personal failures where you can’t find out where life is for you. He exposes her to toxic relationships where control will be mistaken for love because this is what she’s received. So she will look for that unconsciously. If she doesn’t have children, she will always be able to run away at some point and burn bridges. Or she will not. She’ll perform for others and have wine to numb the pain. Sorry for being so raw and direct but isn’t it how depressing futures are built?

Life Coaching

As Life Coaching really is something that speaks to me, I wonder: « would I be able to recover if something like that happened to one of my clients? ». This is where I realized how much preparation you need before you help others.

I got told by a teacher that as a coach, you bring your light, you’re the torch, so you have to keep in mind that you’re never meant to throw yourself in the river with them, simply because if you do so, your light disappears.

Your role is to bring light and detach from the outcomes as they don’t only depend on you. I thought « whoah, so you need to be like a super human who goes all in with heart and passion and then detach? How can someone know how to do that? ». This is where you need mentors and wisdom before you start supporting others. Because helping others can hurt you when it fails, and it often fails.

Later on at Mindvalley University MVU, I heard someone say: « only 1 person out of 10 will act on what you teach them during coaching ».

Do you agree with that number?

This year, I coached a man into getting a raise in salary for three months and he didn’t go ask for it. One of the reasons is that sometimes, it’s more a matter of identity and that behind a raise in salary lays a much deeper identity and self-esteem challenge… I hope he will be willing to face it, because if getting into our depths is rewarding, it can also be very painful.

When you coach, you’re one influence among 10 or 20. You’re not gonna win the battle every time. Sometimes, you will only be able to create some ripple effects that will actually make a difference later on in life…

If you need a group of Like Minded people to explore this type of problems and situations and feel surrounded by strong and inspiring people, you can join Evolutionary Circle – just drop a comment and I’ll give you the link 🙂

With Love & Adventures,

Emi

Evolutionary Circle – Goals & Hopes

• This group is for us to never say again: I’m so lonely on my Evolutionary Path… Nope, not anymore, now you’re in this circle and whenever you struggle with something, you can share it here and receive insights and perspectives and support from me & others
  
• On an Evolutionary Journey, we encounter strange problems – funny situations – it can feel very disturbing sometimes and we need a space where it’s SAFE to open up, so here it is: a SAFE SPACE
  
• Being an Evolutionary Person means you’re here to bring change and Positive Disruptions, so you need tools and support to be EMPOWERED on your mission, so here it is, the space where you get empowered on your Evolutionary Path..!
  
• You Love Yourself and you Love Others but you need to become more selective about the Others you share ideas and life with so your special energy force don’t get shattered. So here it is, your community of Positive Thinkers who want to see changes in the world and who understand that a small group of people who really has each other’s back can change the world!!
  
• We are Idealistic, Optimistic and Stubborn in how much we want to make the world be a better place so here we are, we make it happen, one step at a time
  
• You will participate and be Active, this group is a space you need to invest, plant seeds in so it can grow into a beautiful garden!!
  
• You can be DEEP here!!!! Let’s DIVE DEEP!! It’s not so common these days to have a space where we can be deep without making others feel uncomfortable, in Evolutionary Circle the Deeper the Better!!!!

I will prepare One Main Topic for Each Month – will launch ideas, reflections so we can gather around them – and you can bring your own ideas, of course!!!!

I won’t be here everyday, but once per week for sure, so even if the answers may take a few days to arrive sometimes, they always will!!!

Leave a comment to be Invited!! Cheers, Emi