As a child from a family where the couple wasn’t deeply bonded in love, I suffered immensely from the fact that the family model was kept at all costs. People think staying together is the best thing for the children—but the truth is, it can destroy them in ways you can’t even begin to understand.

The Silent Damage

Children absorb everything. They internalize love as whatever they see at home. So if love is coldness, avoidance, silent treatment, and dismissiveness, they will grow up seeking exactly that. They won’t even realize they’re doing it. They will unconsciously recreate the same harmful patterns, keeping themselves trapped in a cycle of emotional suffering—sometimes for decades—before they finally figure out what went wrong.

But when they do figure it out, that’s when you’ll pay the price for what you did. For suppressing yourself. For denying your authentic needs just to “keep the family together.” Because the day will come when they see the truth.

The Inevitable Reckoning

It will hit them like a hammer: their entire understanding of love was built on a lie. Like realizing Father Christmas never existed—but worse. Because this isn’t just a childhood fantasy shattering. This is their entire belief system about love, relationships, and trust falling apart. And when that happens, you won’t be able to hide anymore. They will see you for who you are.

Today, with so much knowledge and awareness available, it’s easy to see through the lies. Based on the level of emotional damage you inflicted, they will either distance themselves or cut ties completely.

Each generation has less and less tolerance for emotional abuse, and pretending to be something you’re not is one of the most destructive forms of it. You were supposed to be their foundation of faith and trust in life. How could you betray yourself—and them—so deeply?

“Staying for the Kids” is a Lie

People don’t stay for their children. They stay because they are scared to leave. Because of how it will make them look. Because of the social game. Because of their own fears—not for their kids. But that’s a mistake. Leaving would mean saying: “I refuse to live a lie. I want to be a good person. I want to be a real father to my children.” That’s what I wish my father had done. I wish he had respected himself, no matter what. If he had, we might still have a relationship today.

The Cost of Staying

No real relationship is possible with a couple that has sunk into toxicity for years. The longer they stay, the more it rots. And as time passes—growing older, losing mental health, becoming more bitter—the damage only deepens. You don’t see it when you’re inside it, but from the outside, the destruction is undeniable.

And in the process, you lose your children. They slip away, swept up in the toxicity you refused to break free from. So, if your little calculation to “keep your family together” is really just about keeping your own comfort intact, just know this: It won’t work. And one day, when it will be too late, you’ll realize just how much you’ve lost. Just keep that in mind. Thank you.