If you wonder why you fell in love with someone even if you could clearly see they had toxic behaviors, read this:

It’s actually quite common and understandable to develop feelings for someone who might have self-sabotaging or even toxic tendencies. Here’s why this can happen, even when you’re fully aware of their behavior:

Familiarity with Patterns

Sometimes, people unconsciously gravitate towards behaviors or relationship dynamics that feel familiar from early relationships or family environments, especially if there are unresolved issues from those relationships. This can happen even if they recognize these dynamics as unhealthy or unfulfilling, as familiarity can create a comfort zone.

Projection of Potential

It’s easy to see the good in others and to focus on their potential. You might sense that the person could change, grow, or become more aligned with their “best self.” Especially in people with an empathic nature, there’s often a desire to help, support, or even “save” others, which can lead to an attachment even if the person’s current behavior doesn’t match the idealized vision.

The Mystery and Challenge

Individuals who seem closed-off, aloof, or complex can be intriguing. This mystery can create a sense of fascination or even excitement, as it feels like there’s something to uncover or “solve.” This can lead to feeling drawn to them, even if you see the problematic aspects of their behavior.

Reflective Growth

Sometimes, people enter our lives to mirror parts of ourselves that we need to see or understand. Carl Jung spoke of relationships as a mirror, where others can reflect both our light and shadow aspects. The attraction might signal something within yourself that resonates with their struggle or that prompts you to address something deeper within.

Unfulfilled Needs

There might be deeper needs for connection, validation, or intimacy that feel stirred by this person. If you’ve felt emotionally neglected or lonely, even intermittent affection or connection can feel meaningful, creating a powerful pull.

Chemistry and Biology

On a biochemical level, the body releases hormones, like dopamine and oxytocin, in response to intimate moments or even the excitement of uncertainty in a relationship. This can create a strong emotional response, sometimes overriding logical observations of the person’s behavior.

So, while it can feel confusing to be attracted to someone whose life or habits might not align with your own values, it’s not unusual. Sometimes, these relationships act as a catalyst for personal growth or self-reflection.

It’s more common than you’d think to feel drawn to someone, even when seeing clear patterns of self–sabotage in them. These situations bring up complex, relatable questions about human nature and connection. It’s a deep mix of empathy, the hope to see others grow, and perhaps a subconscious desire to heal parts of ourselves we see reflected in them. This awareness alone can be empowering, giving you the clarity and peace to approach relationships in a way that’s aligned with your own growth and values.