Marriage is often seen as an external institution. The wedding, the vows, the white dress, the legal papers—all of these symbolize the union between two people. But while these external signs of marriage hold significance, they don’t capture the true essence of what it means to be married.

To truly understand marriage, we need to look beyond the external. Marriage is, at its core, an internal journey as much as it is an external contract. The depth of connection between two souls goes far beyond living under the same roof or sharing daily responsibilities. It’s about love as an ongoing, active choice, a commitment that must be nurtured every day.

The External Marriage

External marriage is easy to recognize. It’s marked by the wedding ceremony, legal documents, and societal acknowledgment. You stand before friends and family and promise to be there for each other. You make decisions together, raise children, share finances, and navigate the ups and downs of life.

For many, these external markers of marriage can feel like the ultimate destination. But what happens after the ceremony is often what makes or breaks the relationship. The external structure of marriage is important, but it is only the frame. Without the inner work, this frame can become hollow, leading to disconnection and dissatisfaction over time.

The Internal Marriage

An internal marriage is about far more than the visible signs of being together. It’s about fostering a deeper connection, one that grows over time through continuous effort, love, and understanding. Love is an action—a practice you choose each day. It’s a journey, a movement towards each other, and an exploration of both your similarities and differences. It is through this process that true intimacy and trust are built.

This type of marriage involves showing up as your authentic self, not just fulfilling roles or expectations. It’s about being vulnerable, sharing your dreams, fears, and desires with your partner, and working together to create a shared vision for the future.

Love isn’t something that just “happens” or sustains itself on autopilot. Like a plant, it needs to be watered, nurtured, and given the right conditions to thrive. Without this effort, even the most passionate relationships can fade.

The Daily Practice of Love

True love in marriage comes from recognizing that it’s not just a feeling; it’s something you do. It requires daily attention. Whether it’s in small gestures of kindness, open communication, or shared experiences, love must be constantly reaffirmed.

Some couples fall into the trap of thinking that love is an automatic outcome of being married. However, without investing in the relationship, this belief can lead to disappointment.

Love needs to be built, tended to, and reignited continuously. It’s through the intentional creation of shared joy and connection that love grows.

The Risk of Disconnecting

When the focus of marriage is solely external, the risk of emotional disconnection grows. A couple may live together, raise children, and share a life but find themselves drifting apart over time. They may check off all the boxes society has set—careers, family, home—but still feel a void.

This happens because true emotional connection requires more than external responsibilities. It requires two people who remain curious about each other, who are willing to grow together, and who understand that marriage is a never-ending process of learning and rediscovering one another.

Building a Balanced Relationship

A healthy marriage balances both the internal and external aspects. It thrives when the external actions—like spending time together, making life decisions, and sharing responsibilities—are supported by the internal connection of love, trust, and mutual growth.

What makes a marriage truly rich is the mutual journey of personal evolution, where two people come together not just to exist, but to actively create a life filled with meaning. This includes differences that stimulate each other’s growth and new experiences that keep the relationship alive.

Final Thoughts

A marriage that is only external is likely to falter because it lacks the emotional depth and connection that make love last. A marriage that is only internal may struggle with practical challenges. The key is in nurturing both—fostering the emotional bond while building a life together.

Love is not something that simply arrives or maintains itself. It is a practice, an energy shared between two souls that can inspire not just the relationship but the world around you. The real work of marriage is found in that balance—the internal journey of love and the external life you build together.